So I've decided to stop blogging for good. It's too much work, especially right now, when I am studying all the time for my accounting classes. But even more so, I have been met with too much criticism to continue on. It's too much of a strain on some of the relationships in my life. This is a place that I wanted to be able to blog about the things I was concerned about, the things that many people don't know I think. I thought that the people in my life who I love and cherish would want to understand why I left the church. But I guess not. 

I started writing this blog for a plethora of reasons, and some of my motives occasionally took a turn, and sometimes even got lost. Many people have told me to stop writing, others have encouraged me, and most have clicked the links on facebook anonymously leaving no trace that they ever read it. The fact is that what I've written in this blog - for better or for worse - is part of me. The value in it is not whether I was right or wrong in whatever I talked about; the value is in the way the blog represents me. 

In my opinion, silence is the same as acceptance. But let me make myself clear. I do not accept mormonism. I do not accept its hurtful and detrimental doctrines. Although I am not going to write anymore, I await an invitation to talk. If any of you want to discuss about anything at all, I will be happy to do so. I will not try to lead you down any sort of path, but I will tell you about my experiences, and what I think. 

As a "warning" to all of you mormons out there: The internet exists, holding all sorts of information that calls into question the truthfulness of the church and the veracity of the Book of Mormon. People (especially youth) are going to find these things eventually. These are issues you need to confront if you want to keep those who discover it in the church. I left (in small part) because I knew nobody I knew could give me solid answers to my questions. So know your religion. Know the bad stuff and the good. Because telling kids not to go to unsanctioned church websites won't stop them.

For my very last words I wrote a poem. I hope you enjoy. 

I stopped believing in God

And people said I was wrong

People wondered why

People begged me not to go

But I stopped believing in god

For his own benefit.

I stopped believing in God

When I realized that he helps

People find their car keys

And recover from a cold

But he would not help people

Being compressed cattle cars,

Nor the terrified little girls sold

Into prostitution and slavery

I stopped believing in god

Because “teaching someone a lesson”

Is used as an excuse to commit

Crimes and atrocities in the name of

Love. I stopped believing in God

Because he’s an abusive father.

I stopped believing in God

When I found out that he

Said men should treat women

Like cattle. Like objects to be

Counted, and had for their own glorification

I stopped believing in God

Because he’s a misogynist.

I stopped believing in God

When I learned that people

are responsible.

That the devil doesn’t whisper

“She’s asking for it”. When I

Learned that he blames Satan

For rapists and murders

Rather than admit fault for

Allowing them to hurt others

I stopped believing in God

Because he is not just or merciful.

I stopped believing in God

When I decided that he kept taking

The glory for himself; when I decided

That he is not responsible for

Prosthetics, Vaccines, Chemotherapy,

Transplants, Germ Theory, or Antibiotics.

Scientists and doctors are.

I stopped believing in God

When he continued to take

Credit for the extraordinary sacrifices

Of Men and Women.

I stopped believing in god,

Because he plagiarizes.

I stopped believing in god

When he said that he had a

Chosen people. That he favored

Some above the rest. Even

Though I was a part of the

Chosen generation, I never

Stopped to think of the kids

Who got picked last.

I stopped believing in god

Because he discriminates.

I stopped believing in God

When I learned that gay girls

And transgender boys feel that

The only handle on the door of

Closet, is the trigger of a gun. When I

Learned that people string themselves

Up and kick out the chair because

Their family and their God do not love them,

Or support them in their happiness

I stopped believing in God

Because he really does hate the gays.

I stopped believing in god

When he never answered

Me. When I cried, and begged him

Make me straight. When he ignored

Me. When he knew I was suffering

And did nothing to help. I stopped

Believing in god when I realized that

he’s given up caring.

I stopped believing in god,

Because he stopped believing in me.

I stopped believing in god

For his own benefit.

But even more so,

I stopped believing in god

because if he exists, then he isn’t

a god I want to know.

I stopped believing in god

When I discovered that I am

Self-reliant; When I discovered

That I can make my own

Choices about my mind and body. That I

Don't need his advice or comfort

Because I have myself. Because

This imperfect humankind

Is more useful and more beautiful

Than him.

I stopped believing in god,

Because I believe in Humanity.

*Adapted from words said by John Larsen of White Fields Education