Hi Everyone,

I know that I promised to talk about the gays, which I will get to, but I feel that in order to do so I need to first inform you all about Mormon's view on the family. Read it all, because it's important for my next post. So here goes. Mormons hold the family unit in the highest regard. They believe that we will be with our family in the after life, and, in fact, you can't obtain celestial glory without being married. They consider the family to be extremely sacred.

 This is called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World.", and is a very concise and straightforward declaration of what the LDS church believes about gender roles, homosexuality, marriage, and in general the family. 

This document is framed in many church buildings and in many church member's homes. It is continually referenced in General Conference and other church meetings. As children and teenagers, Mormons are made to read it and understand its principles and guidelines. A few aspects of this proclamation I agree with. Abusing children is obviously not acceptable, but I highly doubt that this is contested by very many people. 

One problem with this document arises in the second paragraph. It says, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual, premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." The fact is that gender is not straightforward and divided as Mormons, and much of society would have us believe. In my LGBT class, we discussed what traits generally define masculinity and femininity. We came up with a list: Men should be strong, determined, competitive, active, and non-emotional. Women on the other hand should be small, delicate, submissive, graceful, quiet, emotional, and passive. But when we think about it, many men sometimes exhibit the feminine traits, and vice versa. You probably know many men that are not very strong or tall, or are very emotional. You also probably know women who are athletic, outgoing, or not delicate at all. What this says about gender, is that the traits which define men and women are mostly socially constructed. 

I, for example, would make a pretty piss poor ideal boy. I don't like sports, I cry all the time, I love musicals and baking, I am not really competitive, and I like to watch chick-flicks like Titanic over and over again. 

"But wait!" You might say, "People are literally born one gender or the other." This is actually an entirely false statement. Depending on your definition of boy or girl, there is variation between the two. If you define someone by their genitalia, then you have to recognize that it is not very uncommon for people to be born with both a penis and a vagina or other ambiguous genitalia. What should we call them? If we remove the penis does God then recognize them as a girl? If they keep both private parts, where do they fit in the proclamation? 

If your definition of gender is based on chromosomes, your foundation is even faultier. Frequently, people are born with an extra chromosome, or other chromosomal abnormalities. What sex are they? (Usually, it seems, these people do identify with a certain gender, but still their chromosomes don't define it.) 

As in most of nature, there is a great deal of variability among the sexes in both physical characteristics and personality. I realize that it is easy for many of us to slip into the thinking that being one gender or the other is natural, but we must remember that even if the majority of people fit into the category of boy or girl, it would be wrong and incorrect to say that everyone does.

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Now I will explain the plan of salvation, which Mormons use to explain where we came from, why we're here, and where we are going. It is the first missionary lesson taught to people unlucky enough to not have made up some lame excuse quickly enough. 

In the pre-mortal existence (before earth) our spirits lived with heavenly father. Then he said, "Um. Excuse me. Hello? Yes. I know it's nice up here, but y'all gotta go." He said we would get bodies and thus be subject to temptation, but Jesus would come and die for us, because even though God is all powerful he doesn't make the rules. Then Satan said, "OMG. Daddy! I will go and force everyone to be good, so they can all go to heaven and it will be perf-nugs!" God said no, so Satan threw a temper-tantrum and he and his followers were thrown out of heaven and didn't get to have bodies.

So then we all get here on planet earth, and we are told to go to church every Sunday, pray to god, and avoid terrible sins like drinking tea and masturbating, and murder. Then Jesus came and because he died we can all repent, which allows us to return to God, because, in the wise words of Hanna Montana, "Nobody's Perfect".

Then we die, and we go to Spirit Paradise if you're a good Mormon, or to Spirit prison if you are a bad Mormon or a non-mormon. Then the spirits from spirit paradise go on a mission to spirit prison, so that even in death you have to pretend you're extremely busy when the missionaries come knocking. Anybody that is converted gets to go to spirit paradise where they have swimming pools and wi-fi.

Finally, judgement day comes, and God pulls out his naughty or nice list and we get separated into three "Kingdoms of Glory". Although it's not really clear who goes into what category, the lowest kingdom, called the Telestial Kingdom will be for everyone who was a bad Mormon, or who was bad person in life.

The second, called the Terrestrial, is for people who would have been good Mormons, but only accepted it in the after-life.

Then the bestest, most greatest, most exciting kingdom is the celestial kingdom. This is for all the good Mormons, who repented, prayed and bought a pie from Costco for the ward Christmas party. Oh. And you have to be heterosexually married. You heard me right. Your personal righteousness is not only determined by how good you are, but by if you got married or not. (In fairness, they say you'll have a chance to be married in spirit paradise or something)

And there you have it. The plan of salvation in 60 seconds or less. I recognize that it was satirical, but for those of you who are interested here is a Mormon approved website that fairly represents it. I wish I could have found one with the nifty diagram, but this is all I got. If you want the nifty diagram you can look it up on Wikipedia. http://www.mormon.org/beliefs/plan-of-salvation. You can also read about the three Kingdoms of Glory in the Doctrine and Covenants which is really long and boring.

Basically, we are here on earth to be tried and tested, but another primary goal is to get married and "multiply and replenish the earth". The church actually has "single wards" which is church, but only single, young adults go there. It's basically a dating website for mormons. Can you see why it would be so hard to be gay in a church that literally puts you in a congregation designated to get people married?

Anyways, with that groundwork laid, I promise, promise, promise, I will talk about the gays next time.

- Joshua Read

P.S. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. I really don't care.
P.S.S. All of you Mormons should never refer to gay people as "the gays" as I do in most of my posts. Only I can do that, because I am gay.